During this time, you hang out, laugh, joke, and have an excellent time on future dates. So in the midst of this, you have come to a conclusion that you like this girl and you are thinking about approaching her and confessing your feelings. Now comes the time and you tell her, only to get the response of, “I just want us to be friends”.
This becomes damaging because you envisioned this as a potential person to date while all this time she did not see it this way. So you ask yourself where did you go wrong and when did she make this determination of making you a “friend”. She made this determination when you did not attract her as a lover and came across as a provider. To the men, make no mistake about it that a woman knows if you are interested in them. There is no man on this earth that will get a female’s number just to be their friend. But once you exhibit that friend like behavior is when you go into the friend zone and your changes of dating her have dropped tremendously.
There have been many occasions where I could never understand where I became in the “friend zone”. During my high school years I did not know what it was that the women wanted and the only way to communicate with them was to be their friend. Thus, I found myself on the outside looking in at all the women that I lost. So I ended up in the friend zone. Now in this zone you can’t do the following:
- Buy gifts (she does not need these from you, in fact she will be more apprehensive to take the gift from a “friend”. This also is that courting behavior that she does not need nor like);
- Call often (think about this for a second and say to yourself, how often do I call my friends? Same theory would apply here that she will call you until she wants to talk to you;
- Go out on dates (like she really wants to spend a night of anything remotely close to a date with a “friend”); and
- Have sex (need I say more, I know all you guys think that since she is opening up to you that she is going to bend. Not at all remember you are just a “friend”).
There are more of these rules that I have become familiar with but these are the most common. If you break any of these rules you will wind up in disappointment. Women have a tendency to try to keep the friendship around because she don’t want to risk losing you as a friend. That is fine if you want to be her friend genuinely, but if this is not your goal it is no need to stay around. You may think that staying around will help your chances but she has already made up her mind about you and more adamant about you two being friends. I honestly believe that women have a distinct advantage in the dating game. I will describe this by using the analogy of chess that a woman says, “I am going to keep you (the pawn) right here and I am going to go back here and see what this guy (the knight) is talking about and play with him for a while”. So who do you want to be, the pawn or the knight.
To avoid getting into the friend zone (and not being the pawn) here are some tips that I have found to be useful to increase your dating chances with that dream girl:
- If you are not sure if she feels the same way that you feel, you should not “get heavy” with her. This will backfire on you will become disappointed;
- Do not exhibit court like behavior. This will drive her to think that you are buying her love and tricking her to like you. Also if she is not attracted to you then your actions are pointless.
- Do not confess anything you feel to her if you are unsure about how she feels. Yes I know that you have heard that you should be honest. But as they protect their feelings, you should protect yours as well.
In the end you really have to be honest with yourself and say that if what you want out this mate is a friendship or a relationship. I have nothing against women (my mother was one so that helps), but if they are protecting their feelings then why can’t you do the same. This is not an act of selfishness but you have to understand that there is certain behavior that they are attracted to and certain ones they are not.
If you act like the friend (call, be there for her, etc), then that’s what you are going to be. But, if you treat her like a potential dater (ask her on dates, treat her like a lady and not being buddy-buddy with her) then your chances for a relationship can increase. I am not saying to be a jerk, just be less accommodating. It’s important to employ some of these techniques in the beginning stages of meeting a woman or you may end up in the “friend zone”. To the females that are reading this blog it will be greatly appreciated that you provide some feedback about this topic. This post is predominately for the men but your views help this post as well.
The sites provided where helpful with the steps that I just stated as well as issues pertaining to this topic.
Steps in turning your friend into a girlfriend
http://jacquelynsalkini.logme.nl/2007/11/16/5-proven-steps-to-turn-your-friend-into-your-girlfriend/
Secrets women know that men don't.
Signing off,
Truly yours,
//s//
Mr. Impact "the online alter-ego"
7 comments:
This post was quite entertaining. You offer some good tips that I don't think I'll use but I know several guys I should send a link to your page. Nothing is worse than a guy friend who doesn't get the hint that he will be nothing more than that, a "friend."
I really like your post, it was very funny but yet informative. I do not agree with the points that you made that you can' call her that often, I spend just as much if not more time on the phone with my best friend, who happens to be a guy, and we have never and world never date. My friend, whose a girl, and I were talking about this, a lot of girls like the chase, so don't make it that easy for them, but don't ignore them either.
My friend, you may have found yourself a second job here with this relationship post. Pretty decent advice!
This post is good. So what made you decide to confess your feeling. If a girl wants to be just friends than why go any further? It seems like you set yourself up.
Okay, first you have to understand we know immediately if you are going into the friend category. It is not a long process like you describe. It is a matter of physical attraction and that is instantaneous. Now the only other way it works is that you move yourself into the friend category. We are initially physically attracted and then you turn into a dork. You pull some dumb move that makes it so we can never look at you sexually again. For instance, we are at the end of our first date and all has gone amazingly and then you try to check our tonsils and clean our face with your disgustingly wet tongue, well friend status is next. Don't let girls fool you, just because we hang out with you at a club and let you buy us drinks does not mean we are attracted. Now if we reach over and touch your arm or sit or dance a little closer, then you have your signal. Take it and run, if you don't get the signal, just run. Now as far as what you said about feelings, come on don't be such a guy. Be honest, tell her the truth, but do it when it is right, when the signals are there. A girl wants to know a guy is interested, she wants little gifts, and the sweetness of your true feelings. You have to put it out there, without risk there is no reward. You may get hurt, but hell if you don't take the chance then what do you get. Stop the games, meet a great girl, read the signals and just be you, not Mr. Player, or Mr. Dog or Mr. I am too cool. We don't want any of the above.
much love to the ladies that have responded so far, and fellas listen and read closely it's how they feel, we as men are so easily excited from the attention from a women that we forget that we are men, and as tracy put it, we miss the bus often, just know this, a woman lets in her world who she wants when she wants and she knows if she is gonna sleep with you from the time she sees you, there is no convincing her of anything. as the pieces on her chess board, your level of importance depends on how she sees you, remember one thing, we always get rejected, they dont! ask yourself why...?
Hm...I wonder about your points here. Not that I'm bashing you, just pointing out that it depends (at least when I was actively dating) on how a woman feels about a gift from a guy. Even calls. There were some guys that I loved to be around, but the chemistry was not there. Others, however, I loved getting and receiving gifts from. So just giving gifts itself isn't a sign that a guy is going to strike out.
I wonder if maybe you're picking the wrong women? Some guys like the chase/challenge. It could be that you subconsciously pick the difficult ones because it's exciting to date new people. And, unfortunately nowadays, sex doesn't always equal love. It's become a sport.
Think about it! You maybe should set up rules so that you either play the opposite role (to see if she chases you), then maybe the act of chasing can spark her interest, or you can attempt to meet women in totally neutral environments (not a bar!) so that "the hook-up" isn't on the menu so early on...
Or am I just an old fogey who shouldn't give dating advice?
This was an interesting and enlightening post to read!
Post a Comment