Where one door closes another will open...... The end of 2007, and steppin into 2008

Since January 2007, my year has been full of ups and downs. I must start from my premature relief of recruiting duty where I felt that I tried as much as I could to succeed in that job. But for some that may not be enough. There are always factors that determine anyone’s success. This goes from leadership, trial and error, tangible and intangible circumstances, etc. To try and find a nice way to talk about that experience is rather difficult. But I must take the diplomatic approach and state that I will not ever sway anyone from their success. Because I was unsuccessful at a task does not mean it will flow over to another person. I thought that the opportunity was awesome and I tried to embrace it as much as I can. I made many friends; on the contrary I found that you must understand that people cannot be trusted. I allowed for individuals to control my thoughts as for this had a negative impact on my beliefs.

As I moved into March – May 2007, this was a time to reenergize my battery and do things for myself. I finally had to understand that I must make myself succeed and not rely on forces that I cannot control. I then left Richmond, Virginia in June and was stationed in Quantico, Virginia. Now I am in classes and moving toward my Criminal Justice degree. This has been a great semester and I have met friends and educators who share the same dream and will do anything to ensure you are successful. This is a great feeling to know that you are not alone on your journey. While taking a class in English 112, I evolved into a person by the name of Mr. Impact. This person is an online alter-ego that by his input he looks to have an impact on society. At times he is emotionally detached and cynical he looks to find solutions for any problems that come his way. Through my site called The Impact Place I tackled relationships and other individuals saw me in a different and more mature light. This added additional creditability to my identity.

As for relationship, well because this is The Impact Place, it has been rough to say the least. While I was recruiting, I did not have time for any companionship. This was unfair to all the ladies that I came across because I was not able to get attached and share the same feelings that they shared. But in the interest of fairness, I did meet a wonderful person and we are cool until this day. Because of my career she thought I did not share a similar interest in companionship. This turned her away and was unfair to her. I really would have like to get to know her better, now since she has moved on; and I had to do the same.

As I now have embarked on the journey in Northern Virginia, I must understand that to succeed in the Marine Corps that I must do things that I control. It would have been wonderful to get promoted with my peers, in retrospect maybe I was not ready and I have more to do. This dose of reality made me understand that I must channel my energy and use it as a desire to help me succeed. I never kept my head down this year and I must credit this to many friends and family that let me know that I need to continue to be optimistic.

I have now come to full circle with myself and know what I want to achieve and this year is going to be monumental and set the stage for my career. I have a lot of things planned that I looked to get accomplish. So as this year closes and another opens I must say that I am leaving it all behind and moving forward. So to all my friends, associates, and companions thanks for all that you did for me this year. To all the haters and nonbelievers... Well you never had any impact on my life so I really do not care about you. I am not going anywhere and I will always and forever be Mr. Impact. This is not a mirage this is real and this is it, so strap up because somebody has to be on top.

Always and forever,
Signing off,
Truly yours,


//s//
Corey R. Benjamin a.k.a. Mr. Impact “the online alter-ego”

The Closeout... Just this year

Its been a great year, well thats a lie. Full of ups and downs... I really appreciate everything that people have done for me this year.. Stay tuned for the wrap up of 2007. I am going to recap the life of Corey Benjamin and the birth of Mr. Impact. This will be interesting... So hey don't have but so much fun for Christmas b/c it has to go to the New Years. Stay tuned.

Signing off,
Truly yours,

//s//
Mr. Impact "the online alter-ego"

Mr. Impact's delivers ... The Final Blow

Ladies and Gentleman,

This is the next, but hopefully, not the final post on The Impact Place. Through the course of 8 weeks I have been on a search far and wide to answer topics in relationships. I was able to obtain questions on communication, interracial dating, abusive relations, attraction, and I even did some field work that turned out to be fun as well. I have to admit that I became emotionally attached to my blog and turned into an online alter-ego named Mr. Impact. By this I tried to take Corey Benjamin out of the equation and address issues from an unbiased perspective as Mr. Impact. The visitors only commented on Mr. Impact and not Corey Benjamin. But as I (Corey Benjamin) invented the site I had to understand that if I was going to give my input on such a controversial and emotional topic, that I had to be ready to embrace the responses from my community. This example goes for the blog that was posted on “And you say he’s just a friend”, where I became emotionally attach to this piece and had to understand that my responses where not only for myself but for other viewers. This blog can be perceived as a selfish and cheap attempt to find out “what the ladies want”, in an indirect manner. This was not my intent but, in the end I was able to grow and become more knowledgeable through the course of sustaining this blog. I have to admit that most of these posts came from personal experience and I felt comfortable discussing them with my audience.

As the inventor of this blog, I was able to approach these issues in my post seriously and this allowed people to see me (Corey Benjamin again) in a different light. This became an advantage when I get responses such as “that’s a great post” or “I am looking forward to next week”. This motivation serves as a fuel to write and discuss more. Due to the lack of credentials that I have (i.e. Ph. D., Master Degree, or continued education etc), I do not think that I am part of this relationship community. But, I feel that if I was to continue down this path that I will be able to service not only myself but viewers around the world. What was important to me was all the information that I was able to obtain, I found out that my feelings and thoughts where corroborated by my research. I had a lot of my viewers agree with me on alot of my topics as well. This feeling urged me to continue being Mr. Impact. In the end this was a great experience for myself and the viewers of my community. Maybe I will embark on a journey to service others in the relationship depart, but only when I feel that I am creditable.

Signing off,
Truly yours always and forever

//s//
Mr. Impact “the online alter-ego”

Thats it, No more Mr. Nice Guy

Wow, this seems to be a very hot topic in relationships. If you recalled from my last blog, I discussed being a "friend" rather than a potential lover. Well this blog will introduce the topic of how we as the nice guys (yes I said we), tend to not finish or become unsuccessful because of the way we conduct ourselves. During this search I came across an abundance of information on this subject. I can recall my mother always told me to treat people nice and then that's what I did by default and became Mr. Nice Guy. Now while you are this guy you follow specific guidelines or you have a tendency to display certain qualities that you may not realize like. This came from a site called Pick Up Women:

- Being too needy;
- Unrealistic Expectations/Premeditated Resentments;
- Idolizing a woman;
- Living for everyone else but himself and becoming dull;
- Making his happiness and existence too dependent on his relationships with others.

This may come from the lack of experience in dating other women that we tend to gravitate towards the attention that we receive. Women do not need or want men that are too, and this behavior makes the women feel smothered and puts her under the impression that her mate is not confident being with her. This presents itself as entirely too much pressure. As we find a mate that we believe have potential, we do all the great things to only think that we will receive the same in return which become a Unrealistic Expectation (Pick up Woman).


I can recall on numerous occasions where my "Nice Guy" syndrome got in the way of a successful relationship. Only to watch my dream sail off with the jerk. This burned me up inside and makes me continuously ponders questions such as; Why was the girl I wanted gravitated to this guy instead of what she was looking for, that was on the phone, gave her attention, etc? Let's think about it this way; a women can get all of that stuff from her other friends why do you need to exhibit that behavior. Also jerks have a tendency to be unpredictable and exciting. I have tried turning into the jerk but for the wrong reasons. On the other hand, I have focused more on loving myself, being committed to my success, and being more unpredictable (i thought i was good in that department). These characteristics are recognized by women and can increase your chances in the dating game. "It is amazing how all the assholes gets all of the girls" as outlined in this article called Nice Guys Finish Last by Garret Hols.


As stated by in an article by Daniel Bacon called Why do nice guys fail with women, it states that all of you nice guys should just develop an edge. Do not be afraid to be yourself. You can focus on her but not to the extent that she is being smothered and feels that you are needy. She does not want all of the power, that's boring. Be the man and take the lead. That is what you are there for. Especially become flirtatious, because you have to keep it going. Do not be afraid if you make mistakes as you can only get better. I am not saying to just totally drop the fact of being a nice guy. If that is who you are genuinely then that is not going to fade away. Just understand that you have to monitor your tendencies to see if some of your routines my scare a women off into the arms of that jerk. There is no fear Mr. Impact is here.



I did not have any difficulty finding these sites. Now the women will know our secrets.

Wikipedia's definition of Nice Guy

Wikipedia, (2007). Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. Retrieved December 12, 2007, from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nice_guy

Why do nice guys finish last?

The Trustees of Columbia University in the City of New York, (2007). Why do nice guys finish last. Retrieved December 12, 2007, from http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/1689.html

Why do nice guys fail with women

The Modern Man, (2007). Why do nice guys fail with women. Retrieved December 12, 2007, from http://www.themodernman.com/nice_guys.html

Signing off,

Truly yours,

//s//

Mr. Impact "the online alter-ego"

And you say he's just a friend.......

To all the men, picture this, a night where you go out with your friends. There is this fine female across the room. You both feel the vibe and both of your interest levels have peaked. Usually after this moment is noticed from you, then you move in to get the contact information (phone number, e-mail etc) and you will be even luckier if she supply you hers.

During this time, you hang out, laugh, joke, and have an excellent time on future dates. So in the midst of this, you have come to a conclusion that you like this girl and you are thinking about approaching her and confessing your feelings. Now comes the time and you tell her, only to get the response of, “I just want us to be friends”.

This becomes damaging because you envisioned this as a potential person to date while all this time she did not see it this way. So you ask yourself where did you go wrong and when did she make this determination of making you a “friend”. She made this determination when you did not attract her as a lover and came across as a provider. To the men, make no mistake about it that a woman knows if you are interested in them. There is no man on this earth that will get a female’s number just to be their friend. But once you exhibit that friend like behavior is when you go into the friend zone and your changes of dating her have dropped tremendously.

There have been many occasions where I could never understand where I became in the “friend zone”. During my high school years I did not know what it was that the women wanted and the only way to communicate with them was to be their friend. Thus, I found myself on the outside looking in at all the women that I lost. So I ended up in the friend zone. Now in this zone you can’t do the following:

- Buy gifts (she does not need these from you, in fact she will be more apprehensive to take the gift from a “friend”. This also is that courting behavior that she does not need nor like);

- Call often (think about this for a second and say to yourself, how often do I call my friends? Same theory would apply here that she will call you until she wants to talk to you;

- Go out on dates (like she really wants to spend a night of anything remotely close to a date with a “friend”); and

- Have sex (need I say more, I know all you guys think that since she is opening up to you that she is going to bend. Not at all remember you are just a “friend”).

There are more of these rules that I have become familiar with but these are the most common. If you break any of these rules you will wind up in disappointment. Women have a tendency to try to keep the friendship around because she don’t want to risk losing you as a friend. That is fine if you want to be her friend genuinely, but if this is not your goal it is no need to stay around. You may think that staying around will help your chances but she has already made up her mind about you and more adamant about you two being friends. I honestly believe that women have a distinct advantage in the dating game. I will describe this by using the analogy of chess that a woman says, “I am going to keep you (the pawn) right here and I am going to go back here and see what this guy (the knight) is talking about and play with him for a while”. So who do you want to be, the pawn or the knight.

To avoid getting into the friend zone (and not being the pawn) here are some tips that I have found to be useful to increase your dating chances with that dream girl:

- If you are not sure if she feels the same way that you feel, you should not “get heavy” with her. This will backfire on you will become disappointed;

- Do not exhibit court like behavior. This will drive her to think that you are buying her love and tricking her to like you. Also if she is not attracted to you then your actions are pointless.

- Do not confess anything you feel to her if you are unsure about how she feels. Yes I know that you have heard that you should be honest. But as they protect their feelings, you should protect yours as well.

In the end you really have to be honest with yourself and say that if what you want out this mate is a friendship or a relationship. I have nothing against women (my mother was one so that helps), but if they are protecting their feelings then why can’t you do the same. This is not an act of selfishness but you have to understand that there is certain behavior that they are attracted to and certain ones they are not.

If you act like the friend (call, be there for her, etc), then that’s what you are going to be. But, if you treat her like a potential dater (ask her on dates, treat her like a lady and not being buddy-buddy with her) then your chances for a relationship can increase. I am not saying to be a jerk, just be less accommodating. It’s important to employ some of these techniques in the beginning stages of meeting a woman or you may end up in the “friend zone”. To the females that are reading this blog it will be greatly appreciated that you provide some feedback about this topic. This post is predominately for the men but your views help this post as well.

The sites provided where helpful with the steps that I just stated as well as issues pertaining to this topic.

Steps in turning your friend into a girlfriend

http://jacquelynsalkini.logme.nl/2007/11/16/5-proven-steps-to-turn-your-friend-into-your-girlfriend/

Secrets women know that men don't.

http://www.pickup-ebook-review.com/2007/11/07/a-secret-women-know-and-men-do-not/

Signing off,
Truly yours,

//s//
Mr. Impact "the online alter-ego"

Black, white, hispanic.....It doesn't matter: Interracial dating

During my adolescent years I was accustomed to being in the vicinity of my own race. This only conditioned me to think that when it comes to finding a partner that you tend to be comfortable dating your own race. But as I gotten older I found myself more prone to welcoming dating another race (white, hispanic, asian etc). I have had the opportunity to experience dating multiple races. Now for me I feel comfortable dating a person in my race. On the contrary I see that interracial dating is not becoming an issue.

As shown in the article posted below, it shows that according to U.S. Census reports, interracial marriages more than doubled between 1980 and 1995. Black/White marriages increased an estimated 96% overall, with marriages between of Black women and White men increasing 171%. Blacks with other races increased a whopping 124% during the same period. So with this whopping increase in statistics where is the problem if any. I tell you where... There is no problem.

People are adamant about putting race aside in order to maintain a successful relationship. There are steps that you take in order to assist in your cultural diversity. Interracial couples tend to focus on their similarities rather than their differences. So now I ask myself; what was the problem dating outside of your race? And I could never find an answer because one did not exist. I am now at an age that I feel comfortable dating someone outside my race and if we share common bonds and can build together and have a strong relationship then I am fine with that.

Now since there are some dinosaurs out there that do not accept interracial dating this part is for you. There can be some interracial dating issue such as acceptance, which culture to follow, friends, background, etc. But we must face it, we now live in a multi-cultural society and that there is a possibility that you will encounter another race. This does not mean that you have to particularly date them; it only means that you have the dynamic opportunity to see your differences and focus on your similarities.

As you also see there are multiple dating sites out there that help you welcome interracial dating. So if there are millions and millions of people that are hopping on this bandwagon then we can all say that there is really no problem and that society is welcoming this behavior.

Here are some sites below that you may enjoy as it assisted me in this blog:

New generation doesn't blink at interracial relationships -
http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2006-02-07-colorblind_x.htm

Interracial Relations survey - http://www.askheartbeat.com

Interracial Relationships: Two viewpoints -
http://www.fazeteen.com/summer2000/interracial.htm


Interracial dating sites:
http://www.whitewomenblackmen.com/
http://allinterracialdating.com/


Signing off,
Truly yours,

//s//
Mr. Impact "the online alter-ego"

Eat the cake Atta Mae: Abusive Relationships

Welcome back to another edition of The Impact Place, I am your host Mr. Impact "the online alter-ego." As I stated in my latest introduction, this next blog will be on Abusive Relationships. What prompted me to discuss this topic was the ramped increase in abuse in relationships (physical, emotion, sexual or etc). As I researched this topic, the abuse is mostly men on women. Some of my points may be made from a male on female abuse point of view. Now if there are any men reading this blog and you find yourself exhibiting this behavior, please come and find me so I can tell it to you that you are a disgrace to society and you really need serious help. I have had many (mostly female) friends that have endured these types of relationships, and to be quite honest with you, it makes me sick. Mostly because a mate has self-esteem issues and or does not know how to maintain a healthy relationship. Now maybe the abuser never lived around a healthy relationship environment and violence is the norm that is set for relationships. So this behavior is exhibited on the abuser. But as I discussed these issues with the victims they all say the same thing “I don’t know what to do.” Well since I am not in a position of a victim (because I never been abused) I can’t speak from experience. Now let’s think about this for a second and say that you have a relationship and the man is abusing the women. I honestly think that the abusers choose their pray and they just don’t do this type of behavior with anyone. This is calculated so that the abuser gets what they want. Now for me being on the outside I don’t know what the hell it is that you want and by obtaining it through abuse is not the answer. So to the abusers I say that whatever you want … get it your damn self. You should not compromise your relationship, your integrity and someone’s beauty because of your selfish ways. I figure that I show that there are different types of abuse that can be displayed in the relationship.

There are certain types of abuse and they are described below:

Emotional abuse – This when the abuser do things to put your down, calls you names, wants you to stop spending time with friends and family. This can at times be more damaging as physical abuse because this hurts the self-esteem of the victim through the ways of words and actions.

Physical abuse – This involves any kind of abuse that extends to punching, kicking, slapping, pushing, shoving or even threatening to inflict bodily harm to you.

Sexual abuse – This can be in forms that you may be forced to have sex against your will. Rape can be a form of this behavior.

All the forms of abuse that I just describe make me nauseous as I continue to write this blog. People do these acts as they try to maintain dominance in their relationships. Well hey, if this is a way for them to say that they are in charge in the relationship then guess what (this may be hard to grasp, brace for impact); you are not in charge at all. They are doing this simply out of fear that they are not in control. I always thought that they do not know how to continuously please their partner so they move on to these antics to keep them around. Now they next question is, if you are getting abused then why don’t you just leave?

Well I have asked this question to many victims and they say that it is not that easy and that they don’t know. They stay around for multiple reasons such as;

- Staying committed to the relationship;
- Maintaining financial stability;
- Fearing to ask for help because of scrutiny;
- They don’t feel strong enough to leave because of the power that has been taken away from them by their abuser; or
- They are afraid of what will happen when their partner leaves.

These reasons give them a justification that they can pitch to their support system when they are posed with the question of “why do you stay?” Now I honestly think that up to a certain point you can’t help a person that does not want to help themselves. There are many programs in the system that is set to help you deal with or avoid this type of behavior and if you do not utilize these then I can’t exercise any sympathy for you in the end. I do not want to sound cold hearted because as I stated before I do not condone this behavior. Now I know that may sound cynical but we have all witnessed friends and family that continue to stay around and we become a bit hesitant to assist because this has became the norm in the relationship and if they do not want out, you are not going to help them.

When you are abused in a relationship, there are things that are taken away from you like your self-esteem, your rights, respect and etc. Now think about the respect portion of this; if you were at work with your peers etc and you was disrespected, would you allow for this behavior to continue. I bet the answer is no and of course it should be. So what makes the respect in a relationship any different? You have rights in a relationship and with that aspect all of those rights will continue to dwindle and be violated one by one until you have no rights at all. Then your mate is coming home and telling you what the hell to do. There is not much to say, because the power is now given to them.

I have come across many people who have been abused and noticed that they want out of the relationship but do not know how. Well I can tell you that it is a process and you may have to go through it alone or maybe with family and friends. It is ok to ask for help because this is the first sign that you want to let go. You should stay away from your partner as much as possible. They will try to continue to contact you as they still have emotional ties to you. Also go and take out a Restraining Order (if it is that serious) and the police department should be happy to accommodate you. Now bear in mind that you are not the only one that is going through this issue so the protection programs are overworked and highly underpaid. But they will do their best to uphold the law. Then if you really want out then you can file for a divorce (this is with the intention that you are married). As this is putting your partner on notice that you do not want to deal with it anymore and you are a better person.. You have to understand that when you are abused that the person takes you for granted and does not really care about you. Now please do not give me this love thing. Love does not allow you to scar someone or take their identity away from them. I am very indifferent against that statement when it is made.

In the end you need to know that you are worth something. By staying around in this relationship you damage everything that you stood for. You do not know who you are and you do not love yourself anymore. I know that getting out of it is easier said than done because of circumstances (being accustomed to the behavior, society, financial responsibility etc), also you can do bad all by yourself and you do not need that person in order to exist. They do not define who you are and only you can do that. Once you are tired you will let go and it is a process that you have to be committed to make. Also before you get back into the next relationship be sure that you are not doing it for the wrong reasons and do not continue to perpetuate the abuse cycle. It is not your fault that this behavior continues and you should not hold yourself accountable. For the people that display this abusive behavior, I think that you should find out what it is that you gain by this behavior and whether really feels that it is right or wrong.

Signing off,
Truly yours,

//s//
Mr. Impact "the online alter-ego"

Tune into next week

Hey family, this is Mr. Impact "the online-alter ego" and I am coming to you every week and discussing new topics about relationships. Thus far the cooperation has been tremendous and I thank you for your support. Tune into next week where we will talk about "Abusive Relationships". I know this will get heated family. So buckle up for this ride and lets see who can stay on or get off.

Signing off,
Truly yours,



Mr. Impact "the online-alter ego"

Waiting for tonight, Part 2

Welcome back to Waiting for Tonight. This is Part 2 of this segment (Please ensure that you have read part 1 before proceeding). I am your host Mr. Impact “the online alter-ego”. We last left off when I was initially unsure that I should go out to the club with a female friend. After further contemplation and advice from others I was confident to hit the “club scene” with my friend. During the course of the day I made sure that I was going to look my best. I even spent 3 (yes you heard me) hours in Potomac Mills to find something to wear. My uncertainty about this night continues to wear off as I approached our time to proceed to the club. My digital clock strikes 9 as I head out the door to meet her and her friends. We all got along fine and I was calm and relax (I wonder if this was assisted by the Hennessey and Heineken from Fridays’ that I had prior to our meeting). We proceeded to the Nation’s Capital and enjoyed our ride up Interstate 95 as we headed to Club H20.

We get out of the car into a cold Friday night and were met by the line in front of our targeted party destination. The more we stood in the line to wait, the more confident and now anxious I was becoming to start this night and enjoy the time with her. She seemed to show interest and excitement up to this point. I always wonder if females changed when they get around their friends and go to a party scene (i.e. club). This was not the case as she did not change her style or attitude and this drew me closer to her as the night continued. We have all seen those times when you go out with your friends and they seem to become something that you are not accustomed to. This makes you become hesitant to continue to deal with them and it could become a complete turn-off.

We had an embarrassing moment as we stood in the “Guest List” line to proceed in the club, when we were told that we were not on the Guest List. The friend that accompanied us to the club insisted that we were on there and it turned out to be the opposite. Some would deem this as an immediate stopper to the night, but it was then suggested that we head to the club next door called Zanzibar. I have heard of this club for many years and have yet to experience what it had to offer. I was immediately filled with excitement as we headed to the line. Once we entered, I instantly proceeded to my favorite spot in a club (you guess it…the bar). After I was relaxed and comfortable that we were in the club I was ready and willing to have a great night. We danced, laughed, and smiled the night away to the sounds of Beyonce, Jay-Z, T-Pain and many more. I really enjoyed myself and was even more interested as she looked sexy, radiant and any pleasing adjective that you can think of in the dictionary. As the end of the night drew near, I was overjoyed with this proposition and hoping that this would not be the last time and there are many more to come.

In conclusion, I am pleased overall that she asked me to accompany her to the club. Once I thought about accepting her offer, it occurred to me that it was an honor for me to be approached about being her company. It does not matter what you do, or where you go but only that you spend the time with the people who enjoys you the most. If I would have declined the offer, I believe that it would have been for selfish reasons and she does not deserve that type of behavior. when men go to clubs we want to meet and greet with other females as well. This can be for several reasons. The dynamics of this change when you have a female friend with you. This is especially if she is interested in you. You must carry yourself in a respectable manner. I think this can also serve as a way for you and your partner to observe each other in the public atmosphere. If you are comfortable with yourself in being in those surrounding you can carry yourself if a manner that will be pleasing to you and her. Until next time join me in “The Impact Place”, where we will discuss many more topics.

Singing off,
Truly yours,

//s//
Mr. Impact “the online alter-ego”
p.s. Ms. Julie, was this less formal.

Waiting for tonight, Part 1

Just the other day, I was asked the question, “Hey do you want to go to the club with me and my friends on Friday night”? Once this inquiry crossed my mind I immediately braced for impact. Reason being that it is not often that I would go with a female or someone I am dating out to the club scene. As I continue to ponder, I answered her with confidence and said …………. Yes!! Now it brings us to Friday with the thought of oh lord now I am about to go into the club with another female. You may now ask “what’s the problem”? Through my early dating experience (which is from 18-24), I never believe that it would be good “practice” to go to the club with another female. This is especially if you are looking to enhance the relationship. My rationale behind this is the “clinging to your mate theory”.

We have all seen the man or the women who stays attached to their partner the entire time in the club and not allowing that person to enjoy the atmosphere (this is totally not me). So bearing this in mind I admittedly was a bit skeptic about the scenario. On the contrary I asked myself “why would I not go”? I only came with one answer and that was “no reason”. I have now come to the point in my life where it is all about having fun and enjoying the people around you. Maybe during my early years my response would have been negative. That’s because now I understand that it is more than just looking at the opposite sex, trying to bump and grind or etc (whatever you do at the club scene with your friends, don’t lie). I feel excited and thrilled that I was asked to accompany them to the club. I believe with the company that I will be around that this will be a great night and I look forward to having many more. So stay tuned as I write part 2 of this story.

Signing off,
Truly yours,


//s//
Mr. Impact “the online alter-ego”

Whats the difference: Is age really nothing but a number?

During the course of the weekend I was presented with an abundance of topics that I had the opportunity to share with the public. Over the next 7-8 weeks I will be writing about relationships. Now the great concept behind relationships is that we all have an opinion and can give advice from time to time. It took me a while to figure what I was going to write about for this week, but this particular incident that was presented to me peaked my interest and I became convinced me to write about it. This first incident comes from a 22 year old black female, who is dating a 36 year old black male.

She confronted me about this issue stating that he has the “itch” for marriage in the next 3-4 years (we all know of heard of this itch before). For the female, she feels that she will not be ready in taking a step of that magnitude and that her companion is pushing this issue a bit too much. By him applying this pressure and continuously relaying his position to her, she is currently losing her interest in him. They have been dating for over a year and things have been great. But now she is at a point where she feels that she is not ready to discuss that part of her life right now and that his agenda does not typically fall within her plans. If she continues to go down this path she feels that this discussion about marriage amongst other things could hinder the longevity of the relationship. Once she discussed this with me, I was determined to give my synopsis.

What is on your agenda?

The problem presents itself with the difference in the age being 14 years. We all say that age is nothing but a number, on the same token there are places you should be in your life and decisions that you will be adamant in making. This age difference brings in additional conflicts such as education, financial stability, security, longevity, family values, relationship experiences etc. If an individual is at this point in his life, it is expected that he is looking for a person to settle down with because there is nothing more out there to search for and it should be expected that he has experienced a great deal more than his younger companion. If you have a younger soul mate, you should be careful as to how you approach the issue. This is due to growing potential that still needs to be met and experienced to make beneficial decisions in his/her life. This does not mean to not date an older or younger companion. Just be aware of your expectations and the potential of your companion.

This all goes back to initially communicating with you partner. You should ask those questions that we feel or deem not important as 1) Where do you want to be in the next 5 years?; 2) How many kids would you like to have, if any? 3) What goals do you have? etc. What these inquiries will do is allow you to make that informed decision about you dealing with your companion. We fail to communicate and relay our expectations and think that our companions are mind readers. Your relationship is going to only be as effective as your communication. I continuously have friends who tell me about breaks in their relationship and it all goes back to communication. You have to know about their values, likes, dislikes, preferences and etc. We cannot continue to plan our lives with only our expectations and without input from our soul mate. If you continue to head down this path you can potentially find yourself searching for another soul mate. Let’s just hope this time you have the age issue rectified. In closing, I am not relaying that you should not have a relationship with a older person, but make sure that your goals, experiences, desires and etc are on the same path and wave length to maintain a healthy relationship.

Here is a site that gives you a better perspective on this issue - http://www.realsexedfacts.com/relationships-age-difference.html

This article was insightful as it educates the reader on difference in values, experiences and goals that are set forth from an older person vice the young mate. It validates my point that if you was to choose to have a relationship that holds a significant age difference, ensure that you take to time to effectively communicate your issue and differences with them prior to having a healthy relationship.

Until next time

Signing off

Truly yours,

//s//

Mr. Impact "the online alter-ego"

Wouldn't you like to know

Well as for you readers out there, I do a lot of surfing for this topic. I want you to understand that by any means I am not an expert but after visiting these following sites my acumen in this subject just raise tremendously. Here they are below.

1. http://relationships.blog-city.com/ - As I browsed this site I came across some great material. The latest blog did a number to the "Nice guys." So if you are out there, then do yourself a favor and stop. They hate it. But it's not me saying that, talk to them. This audience that responds to this blog are both men and women. The blogs that are shared on this site shows the variety of issues and the emotional appeal that I am looking for when dealing with relationships.

2. http://sofiah-dating.blogspot.com/ - This site I came across covered issues that were from dating to having a casual relationship. What this did for me was allow me to broaden my topic and understand my research on a more of a higher level.

This is just a few ladies and gentleman. I am just getting started with this blog. So as I continue I will give you input and enjoy yours as well.

Signing off,
Truly yours

//s//
Mr. Impact "the online alter-ego"

Enjoy, Relax and Impact

You are now in (drum roll) "The Impact Place." The purpose for this site is to share a variety of issues and topics that may have an impact on society. This can be anything from relationships, finances, crime, drugs, politics and etc. As you readers come across, give me feedback to let me know (Mr. Impact) what you are thinking. Also please (and I really mean it) do not be offended.

Now for my first topic I will cover relationships. This will be covered over the next 7 to 8 weeks (maybe even longer). This subject arisen due to my lack of success for the understanding of what it takes to get into and maintain a relationship (that does not mean I am a bad boy ok folks). Maybe you all can help me and others. Now do not think this is a cry of help. I could have gotten that a long time ago. But just a discussion rather on what you all think. Now I have some questions of my own: What is it that the mate looks for? Are we at times confused? What beliefs do we have? Where do they come from? All of these answers plus more as I will conduct some investigating into this topic. I guess its good to have an abundance of female friends. Makes the whole thing worthwhile.

Another reason I picked this topic, is because of the emotional attachment that it brings (you got to love controversy). Hopefully we can sit down and have our own "Fireside Chat" and discuss this topic and many more as this goes on. Well I must go now. Have to talk and get more ideas and thoughts from the opposite species. Also I will throw some things in here that you can comment on as well. You will get an opportunity to see some clips (you tube's finest) on a guy I know name Jae Green. He will really share some profound things with you as well.

Signing Off

Truly yours,

//s//

Mr. Impact "the online alter-ego"