During the course of the weekend I was presented with an abundance of topics that I had the opportunity to share with the public. Over the next 7-8 weeks I will be writing about relationships. Now the great concept behind relationships is that we all have an opinion and can give advice from time to time. It took me a while to figure what I was going to write about for this week, but this particular incident that was presented to me peaked my interest and I became convinced me to write about it. This first incident comes from a 22 year old black female, who is dating a 36 year old black male.
She confronted me about this issue stating that he has the “itch” for marriage in the next 3-4 years (we all know of heard of this itch before). For the female, she feels that she will not be ready in taking a step of that magnitude and that her companion is pushing this issue a bit too much. By him applying this pressure and continuously relaying his position to her, she is currently losing her interest in him. They have been dating for over a year and things have been great. But now she is at a point where she feels that she is not ready to discuss that part of her life right now and that his agenda does not typically fall within her plans. If she continues to go down this path she feels that this discussion about marriage amongst other things could hinder the longevity of the relationship. Once she discussed this with me, I was determined to give my synopsis.
What is on your agenda?
The problem presents itself with the difference in the age being 14 years. We all say that age is nothing but a number, on the same token there are places you should be in your life and decisions that you will be adamant in making. This age difference brings in additional conflicts such as education, financial stability, security, longevity, family values, relationship experiences etc. If an individual is at this point in his life, it is expected that he is looking for a person to settle down with because there is nothing more out there to search for and it should be expected that he has experienced a great deal more than his younger companion. If you have a younger soul mate, you should be careful as to how you approach the issue. This is due to growing potential that still needs to be met and experienced to make beneficial decisions in his/her life. This does not mean to not date an older or younger companion. Just be aware of your expectations and the potential of your companion.
This all goes back to initially communicating with you partner. You should ask those questions that we feel or deem not important as 1) Where do you want to be in the next 5 years?; 2) How many kids would you like to have, if any? 3) What goals do you have? etc. What these inquiries will do is allow you to make that informed decision about you dealing with your companion. We fail to communicate and relay our expectations and think that our companions are mind readers. Your relationship is going to only be as effective as your communication. I continuously have friends who tell me about breaks in their relationship and it all goes back to communication. You have to know about their values, likes, dislikes, preferences and etc. We cannot continue to plan our lives with only our expectations and without input from our soul mate. If you continue to head down this path you can potentially find yourself searching for another soul mate. Let’s just hope this time you have the age issue rectified. In closing, I am not relaying that you should not have a relationship with a older person, but make sure that your goals, experiences, desires and etc are on the same path and wave length to maintain a healthy relationship.
Here is a site that gives you a better perspective on this issue - http://www.realsexedfacts.com/relationships-age-difference.html
This article was insightful as it educates the reader on difference in values, experiences and goals that are set forth from an older person vice the young mate. It validates my point that if you was to choose to have a relationship that holds a significant age difference, ensure that you take to time to effectively communicate your issue and differences with them prior to having a healthy relationship.
Until next time
Signing off
Truly yours,
//s//
Mr. Impact "the online alter-ego"
